


Bad Habits

by siriuspiggyback



Series: Hope There's Someone (Who Will Take Care of Me) [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Consent Issues, Flashbacks, Good Brother Diego Hargreeves, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Prostitution, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, M/M, Misunderstandings, No actual sex, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Relationship Discussions, Sober Klaus Hargreeves, but discussions around sex and healthy consent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 02:48:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18240851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siriuspiggyback/pseuds/siriuspiggyback
Summary: Dave shook his head. “I wasn’t asking you to- I wanted to talk. That’s all. Not-”“Why are you making this so difficult?” accused Klaus. “I made you mad. So I was going to suck you off, so you wouldn’t be mad anymore,” he said simply, like he was explaining something obvious.Or, after a lifetime of sleeping with guys just to get off the streets for the night, Klaus has a bad understanding of consent. Dave isn't okay with that.





	Bad Habits

**Author's Note:**

> assumes klaus brought dave back to 2019 with him, and the apocalypse was averted
> 
> i was just thinking how klaus' past would affect his relationship and then this happened ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Klaus was a little surprised to find his room empty when he got home - usually, Dave was waiting for him - but he didn’t think much of it. After all, Dave had been here in 2019 for a few months now, and had started feeling comfortable enough to brave going out alone. Klaus kicked off his heels and flopped on the bed, massaging his aching feet. Before long, his door creaked open, and Dave ducked in.

 

“Hello, darling!” cried Klaus, hopping up to plant a kiss on his boyfriend. 

 

Dave said, “Hi, Klaus.” His expression was a little off, smile too flat, and it made Klaus nervous. “How was Narcotics Anonymous?”

 

“Oh, you know,” said Klaus, flippant, “we all had a good long talk about our  _ feelings  _ and our  _ childhoods.  _ The usual.”

 

Dave took a step back. He gently pried Klaus’ hands from where they were cupping his face, and Klaus felt the loss of contact like a punch to the gut. Without the warmth of Dave’s skin against his, there was nothing to distract him from the guilt and anxiety writhing under his skin, or the low moans of ghosts calling for his help. God, did he miss the drugs. 

 

“Right,” murmured Dave, eyes flickering over Klaus’ face searchingly.

 

When he didn’t say anything else, Klaus asked, “Everything okay, babe? What have you been up to today?”

 

“I thought I would wait for you to come out of your NA meeting, walk you home,” said Dave.

 

“Oh.” All the air in room disappeared. Klaus was frozen, mind scrambling for something, an excuse, an explanation, but he came up empty. He had always considered himself a world class bullshitter, but under Dave’s gaze he found himself stalling, blanking. He didn’t want to lie, not if he could help it. 

 

“Did you actually go to any of the meetings?” asked Dave, voice carefully neutral, “Or were you lying the whole time?”

 

Klaus licked his lips, eyes cast down. “I went to the first two.”

 

“Okay. Okay,” said Dave. His voice sounded so heavy.

 

Klaus hated himself in that moment. He had lied, had hurt Dave, the man he loved. He squeezed his eyes shut, released a shaking breath. He was so tired of hurting everyone around him, but Klaus couldn’t seem to help it. Maybe it had been inevitable. He was poisonous by nature. Klaus stamped down on the panic rising in his chest. Panic wouldn’t help. If he wanted to convince Dave to stay with him, he needed to be able to think clearly.

 

“I just- I don’t understand,” said Dave. Klaus forced himself to look up and meet his eyes. Dave looked… lost. Not as angry as Klaus had expected. Somehow, this was worse. “Why? Why did you stop going?”

 

Klaus swallowed noisily. “I- Dave, baby, I’m so sorry, I know I fucked up.” He stepped forward a little, reached out to take Dave’s hands into his. “I’m sorry I lied.”

 

“Are you- Did you start using again?” asked Dave, eyebrows drawn low. 

 

“No! No, no, I’m clean. I swear,” insisted Klaus, taking another half step forward.

 

“Right. Good. I don’t- Why didn’t you tell me then? Why lie?” Klaus was appalled to notice that Dave’s eyes were damp with tears. Klaus pushed forward, wanting to hold him close, but Dave drew back, putting space between them.

 

Klaus chest ached. He couldn’t lose Dave, not after almost losing him back in ‘Nam. “Please, baby, I am so sorry. I’ll do better, I’ll fix this. You can walk me there every week, and pick me up after, so you know that I went. Or- or you can come with me even!”

 

Dave shook his head. “I don’t want that. I want us to be able to trust each other,” he said, shoulders hunching forward as he wrapped his arms around himself. 

 

“Right, of course,” said Klaus. His mouth was dry, his hands shaking. Panic was rising up. “I do trust you, Dave, and you can trust me. I won’t lie again, I promise,” he swore, frantic, words bubbling up too fast. “I can make it up to you. I’m going to make it up to you.”

 

“What-” started Dave, but cut off when Klaus closed the distance between them and hastily dropped to his knees. With trembling hands, he fumbled with Dave’s jeans. “Klaus, wait,” said Dave, blush rising on his cheeks. He tried to gently peel Klaus away, but Klaus held tight, one hand clasped on his thigh, the other attempting to tug down Dave’s jeans. “Klaus! Stop!” yelped Dave, hastily pushing his partner away, too hard, with more force than he intended. Klaus overbalanced, fell backwards with a thump. 

 

There was a moment of pure silence. Even the ghosts were quiet. 

 

Dave took a jagged breath. “What are you  _ doing?” _

 

Klaus blinked up at him with innocent confusion. “I-” he paused, hesitating. “I told you. I was trying to make it up to you.”

 

“We were just talking,” said Dave. “I was just trying to understand why you quit NA. Why would you- why would you try to do  _ that? _ ”

 

Klaus stood clumsily. His confusion was quickly giving rise to frustration. “I told you,” he huffed, “You were mad, and upset, so I was trying to make it up to you.”

 

Dave shook his head. “I wasn’t asking you to- I wanted to talk. That’s all. Not-”

 

“Why are you making this so difficult?” accused Klaus. “I made you mad. So I was going to suck you off, so you wouldn’t be mad anymore,” he said simply, like he was explaining something obvious. 

 

Dave took another step back, hands reflexively clenching into fists, only to carefully uncurl them when he noticed Klaus watching them warily. “Do you do that a lot?”

 

“Do what?” asked Klaus, frowning. 

 

“Use sex like that,” explained Dave.

 

“Uh- Sometimes, I guess?” said Klaus. “Look, I don’t see the problem here. What’s this really about?”

 

“What’s this really about?” echoed Dave. He choked on a hysterical laugh. “Jesus, Klaus.”

 

Klaus’ heart stuttered. How had he managed to make Dave even more upset? He had lost control of the situation. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say, how he was supposed to act. “Dave, sweetheart,” he said, reaching out to touch Dave, only to halt when Dave flinched back. Was Klaus really that disgusting, that he couldn’t bare to let Klaus touch him?

 

“I- I need to-” Dave stammered, “I need to go.” Eyes glued to the floor, he pulled open the door, slinking out and shutting it behind him before Klaus had a chance to say goodbye.

 

He was gone.

 

Oh, fuck. He was gone.

 

Klaus distantly noticed that his breathing was too fast. His ears were ringing, hands numb. None of it seemed to matter. Nothing mattered. Dave was gone.

 

It was loud, too loud. Voices calling, screaming, loud enough to hear over the rush of blood in his ears. Disorientated, Klaus stumbled to his hands and knees, choking on air. The screaming was getting louder, echoing inside his skull, and under that, another sound- gunshots. He ducked down on instinct. He wrapped his arms around his head, pushed his face down into the mud - no, the carpet. The carpet?

 

There was so much screaming. Who was screaming? The ghosts? The Viet Cong? His own brothers in arms? Or was it him, screaming to be heard over the rattle of bullets?

 

No. No, it was the ghosts. It had to be, because he had left the fighting behind, he was- where was he? Back at camp? No, he couldn’t be, because then Dave would be here, but Dave wasn’t here, he was gone- 

 

Oh. Oh right. 

 

Klaus tugged at his hair and forced himself to suck in a proper breath, holding it for a moment before letting it out. And then again. Again.

 

When he had his breathing had evened out to something approaching normal, he pulled himself up to his feet. On shaking legs, he stumbled downstairs. He needed something to make things quieter. 

 

So focused on dear old dad’s leftover liquor behind the bar, he didn’t notice the other presence in the room. 

 

“Bro, what the hell are you doing?”

 

Klaus startled, whirling around. “Jesus, Diego, are you trying to give me a heart attack?” he cried, pressing a shaking hand to his chest.

 

Undeterred , Diego said, “Seriously, Klaus. What are you doing?”

 

“Isn’t it obvious, brother dear?” said Klaus, ducking behind the bar. The slight wobble in his voice undermined the facade of showmanship. “I’m going to get fabulously drunk. Aha!” he cried, brandishing a no doubt priceless bottle of whiskey. 

 

Fast as a whip, Diego darted forward and grabbed the bottle from Klaus’ grasp. “Rude,” griped Klaus, reaching out for a different bottle - vodka, this time. A knife whistled through the air, pinning Klaus’ sleeve to the surface of the bar.

 

“Klaus,” said Diego, “stop.”

 

Klaus pouted. “I liked this shirt.”

 

Diego grabbed Klaus’ skinny wrist and yanked his knife from the old wood. He pulled Klaus along with him, away from the bar, away from the alcohol. “Wait, wait, hold on,” said Klaus, resisting. 

 

“You’re coming with me,” stated Diego, dragging his brother behind him.

“Stop. Stop! Get off me!” cried Klaus. Diego failed to notice the way his voice had gained a note of fear, high with panic. He desperately tried to free his wrist from Diego’s hold, and when that failed, he threw a punch.

 

“Ow! Fuck!” yelped Diego, knocked off balance. Klaus raised his arms, expecting a punch back, but instead Diego tackled Klaus, the two of them crashing to the floor. 

 

The pair wrestled for a moment, but Diego was stronger, heavier, and before long had Klaus pinned on his front, arms behind his back. Klaus twisted underneath him, writhing. It was futile. “Get off! Get off, you bitch! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, get off, stop-”

 

“Hey, hey. Calm down,” said Diego.

 

“Fuck you!” spat Klaus, “Let me go! Let me  _ go! _ ”

 

“What’s going on?” a timid voice called out. Klaus twisted his head to see Vanya at the bottom of the staircase, watching with a concerned expression. She must have heard the commotion. 

 

“Vanya, could you get Five? Or Luther?” asked Diego, voice strained. 

 

“Why? What happened?” asked Vanya.

 

“Klaus is relapsing. We need to get him away from-” he tilted his head towards the bar.

 

“Right,” said Vanya, turning to jog back upstairs. 

 

“Vanya! Wait!” yelled Klaus, but was ignored. “God damn it.” He let his head drop to the ground with a vicious thump.

 

Klaus must have checked out for a bit after that. He was vaguely aware of hands on him, and the twisting sensation that came with Five’s jumps. Then the hard wooden floor was replaced with his sheets. They still smelled of Dave. 

 

Blurred figures moved around his room. He wasn’t sure if they were his siblings, or ghosts, or a mix of the two. It seemed too much effort to figure it out. As long as they weren’t disturbing him, it didn’t matter. After an indeterminable amount of time, one of them perched at the edge of his bed and began running a hand through his hair. That was nice. Exhausted, his eyelids slipped closed, and he drifted to sleep.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Klaus woke up. It was, he thought, a rather unfortunate development. 

 

Noting the sound of breathing nearby, he kept his eyes closed. He could out wait whoever it was. Klaus wasn’t about to talk about feelings, and there was no doubt that they would want an explanation for his freak out. 

 

“I know you’re awake.”

 

“Shut up, Ben,” hissed Klaus. 

 

“Klaus?” asked another voice.

 

Klaus groaned and sat up. At the foot of his bed, Diego was sat, watching him with a frown. In the corner, Ben leant against the wall, a smug look on his face. Klaus flipped him off.

 

“You okay, bro?” questioned Diego.

 

“Peachy,” snarked Klaus. “Have you been watching me sleep? You know you could have got in and cuddled instead.” He wiggled his eyebrows. 

 

Diego snorted obligingly, but it was halfhearted. “You gonna talk about what happened?”

 

“Hm… I’m going to say no.”

 

“Wrong answer,” said Diego, folding his arms.

 

“Why do you care, anyway?” Klaus raised an eyebrow. 

 

“Because you’re my brother,” said Diego, voice firm, “and I love you.”

 

Klaus paused, wrong footed. This family didn’t do sincerity, and they certainly didn’t do the L-word. They had gone their entire childhood without saying those three words. The only people who had ever told Klaus that they loved him had been the junkies he shared beds with for a night, too high to remember that they didn’t know his name.

 

“Oh. I, uh… I love you too.  _ Bro,” _ said Klaus, an unsure smile at his lips.

 

“Tell him,” whispered Ben. “Please. Talk to him.”

 

Klaus blinked, sucked a breath in. “I messed up. I really messed up this time,” he said, voice thin and pinched. 

 

Wordlessly, Diego shuffled over and pressed their shoulders together. A silent show of solidarity. Ben crossed the room to take his other side. 

 

Sandwiched between his two brothers, Klaus confessed, “I haven’t been going to Narcotics Anonymous. I leave every week and walk around for an hour, and come home and lie to his face about it.”

 

_ “Klaus,”  _ sighed Diego.

 

Klaus shrunk under the weight of his brothers disappointment. “I know. Dave tried to walk me home after the meeting today, except…”

 

“You weren’t there,” finished Ben, voice sad.

 

“Yeah,” said Klaus, knotting his fingers together. “He was really- hurt. Not even mad, just hurt.”

 

“Have you been using?” asked Diego, with surprisingly little judgement.

 

“No, I’m still clean. Almost three months now,” said Klaus.

 

“Good,” said Diego. Out of the corner of his eye, Klaus could see his brother deflate with relief. “You messed up, but you didn’t relapse. That’s good.”

 

“Okay,” said Klaus. 

 

Diego nudged his shoulder into Klaus’. “C’mon, bro. You and Dave, you’ll be okay. Everyone has fights sometimes, this isn’t the end of the world.”

 

Klaus laughed, but the sound was sharp and humourless. “You don’t get it. He left.”

 

“What?” 

 

“He’s gone. I fucked up. He’s gone, and I don’t think he’s coming back,” said Klaus. His breathing hitched. Saying it out loud had made it real. He choked down a sob, but couldn’t stop the tears escaping his eyes. “He looked at me like- like I was disgusting.”

 

“Dude, no, listen,” interjected Diego, “he’s downstairs. He wants to see you.”

 

Klaus blinked. His face had gone slack with surprise, and he shook his head very slightly, as if denying the possibility. “What? No, he…”

 

“The only reason he isn’t here right now is that we wouldn’t let him up here,” Diego explained, tripping over the words with his urgency. “We didn’t know what happened, whether you would want to see him.”

 

“Oh my god,” blurted Klaus, and then he was in motion, leaping from bed and darting out the room. Diego ran after him, Ben trailing behind.

 

Klaus ran down the stairs and across the entryway, skidding to a stop at the doorway to the main living room. The rest of his siblings were crowding the room, and in the middle, frozen, was Dave. 

 

Vanya cleared her throat. “Let’s go make some coffee. C’mon guys,” she said, starting towards the kitchen. Klaus had never been more grateful for his sister. 

 

“I don’t want coffee,” said Luther, obtuse as ever. Diego rolled his eyes and herded him out of the room.

 

Without his siblings, the room was quiet. The space between him and Dave seemed to stretch for miles, but Klaus wasn’t brave enough the cross it. He remembered the way Dave had pushed him away earlier, and shuddered. 

 

“Why don’t we sit down,” suggested Dave, taking a seat on one of the plush sofas. 

 

Hesitant, Klaus shuffled over, dropping down at the opposite end of the couch, careful to leave Dave some space. The atmosphere was tense, oppressive. Klaus desperately wanted to crack a joke, but his throat was tight and his mind was blank.

 

“I think we need to have a talk. Not just about the NA meetings, and today, but about… about our relationship,” said Dave. The words were sounded rehearsed.

 

Klaus felt his palms dampen with sweat. “Okay,” he whispered.

 

“Do you understand why I got upset?” asked Dave, blue eyes sad and worried and still so beautiful. Klaus glanced away.

 

“Because I lied to you,” said Klaus quickly. 

 

“No, not about that. I mean about…” Dave trailed off, ears going pink, before continuing, “about the sexual part of our relationship. Do you understand why I was upset about that?”

 

Klaus frowned, thinking hard. What did Dave mean? Was he talking about earlier, when Klaus had offered a blow job? That didn’t make sense; he had always loved Klaus going down on him. The silence was heavy, and Klaus knew he needed to figure this out fast. His mind raced. He hadn’t thought that there had been a problem with their sex life. In fact, it was the only part of their relationship that Klaus had never felt worried about. Whilst he had very little experience with commitment and boyfriends, Klaus had  _ plenty _ of experience with sex, and Dave had always seemed to enjoy himself. Unless this was because-

 

“Oh!” said Klaus in sudden understanding, shoulders dropping down in relief. “If this is about... look, I know I haven’t let you fuck me that much recently, compared to back in ‘Nam,” he rambled. “If that’s what this is about, we can totally do that more often! It’s just y’know, with getting sober, I wasn’t really- but we can definitely do that more!”

 

“No! That isn’t-” interrupted Dave. Oh fuck, thought Klaus. Dave was crying. He had made Dave  _ cry. _

 

“Wait, no, I’m sorry, please,” chanted Klaus. He tucked his hands under his arms, resisting the urge to pull Dave into a hug. 

 

“You said-” Dave’s voice broke, a sob escaping, “you said ‘ _ let me.’” _

 

Klaus tilted his head. “What?”

 

Dave took a hitching breath, and explained, “You said that you ‘let me fuck you.’ Is that… did you ever actually want it, or…?”

 

“What? Of course, of course I did. You’ve never-... you’re making it sound like you raped me, or something!” cried Klaus, horrified. 

 

“But did you want it? Or did you just want to- to make me happy?”

 

“I don’t understand. I just told you, you never hurt me,” said Klaus.

 

Dave shook his head, wiped away his tears with the back of his hands. “Earlier, when I was upset, you tried to, y’know. You said that you were doing it so that I wouldn’t be mad.”

 

“Yeah…?” said Klaus, the ‘ _ so what?’  _ clear in his tone.

 

“Don’t you see how that isn’t okay?” asked Dave, voice so tender and worried.

 

Klaus opened his mouth, closed it again. “Why?”

 

“Because,” he insisted, “that means you didn’t really want it.”

 

“But I didn’t  _ not  _ want to,” said Klaus.

 

“That’s not the same as wanting to,” said Dave. 

 

Klaus chewed on his lip, thoughtful. He tried to see it from Dave’s perspective. If Dave had done something hurtful, and Klaus was mad (which seemed an unlikely scenario, but he persevered), and then Dave tried to use sex as a tool to calm him down… Klaus could kind of see how that might be uncomfortable. 

 

“Is it something you do a lot?” queried Dave, chewing on a thumbnail, the same way he did when they were waiting to be sent out to the front lines. 

 

Klaus shrugged, faintly embarrassed. “Sometimes, I guess. It’s kind of a habit. Before you, sex was sort of… a transaction. I’d sleep with people to get off the street for the night, or-” he cleared his throat, trying not to let his shame show on his face, “or if I couldn’t afford to pay a dealer, sometimes…”

 

“From now on, please, don’t do that, okay?” begged Dave, “I don’t want it unless you want it.”

 

Klaus looked up, surprised. “Does this mean you still want to..?”

 

“Oh, Klaus,” said Dave, expression crestfallen. “God, babe, I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think- I just left, didn’t I?”

 

“I thought…” muttered Klaus.

 

“I’m so sorry. Can I…?” Dave raised his arms up, expression hopeful. 

 

That was all the permission Klaus needed to dart forward, launching himself into Dave’s arms. Dave laughed lightly, the sound rumbling in his chest, and Klaus buried his face in his lovers neck. Dave combed his fingers through the short hair at the back of Klaus’ head and pressed a kiss into his curls. The pair were content to cling to each other, seeking comfort in the press of their bodies. 

 

“I love you, Klaus.” The words were so hushed, Klaus almost thought he had wished them into being. He pulled back so that he could see Dave’s face. Dave was smiling, face alight. He looked like an angel as he repeated, “I love you.”

 

Although tears were springing to his eyes, Klaus smiled in amazement. “Dave, I- fuck. I love you. I love you, Dave.” 

 

Dave reached up and tenderly wiped the tears from Klaus’ face, eyeliner tinging the tears grey. “We’re gonna be okay. We’ll figure things out as we go, okay?”

 

Klaus nodded, tilting his face into Dave’s palm. “I know I’m fucked up, but… I don’t want to fuck us up.”

 

“Hey, don’t talk about yourself like that,” chided Dave. “As long as we, y’know, communicate and stuff…”

 

“Yeah. Okay,” said Klaus, ducking down to rest his head on Dave’s broad shoulder. 

 

Dave traced patterns down the length of Klaus’ arm, a calming motion. Klaus felt his body melting, the fear and pain of the last day finally fading. The room was quiet, except for their heartbeats, and the slow sounds of their breathing. Dave was right. They were going to be okay.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed!! comments are my lifeblood


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